Crashing from measly 2-hour nap last night. But strangely articulate, logical, and impressive at 5:30am this morning while writing up performance rating for underling so that although he walks on water, his halo is not too shiny and unreasonable. Am the greatest boss ever. Or delirious and manic.

Was supposed to bake pies and breads for tomorrow, instead am just going to keel over. Guilt can't even penetrate blurry shield of fatigue. Maybe another 2-hour nap will refresh enough for dinner tonight with friends long unseen. Yes, fuck work...will go home at 3pm.

Other people buy shoes, obsess about sex, gamble, drink, smoke crack cocaine....

I covet coats. Have to face serious affliction.

Decided to shop around for a coat as soon will be walking around quaint snow-drifted towns in Germany, and am lacking the right coat for that occasion. Went on a whirlwind tour of designer coats on various internet sites. Sighed and dreamed over fuzzy virgin wool/angora comfort, cuddly cashmere/fox fur joy, and long shearling sueded chocolate colored alpaca lined reversable hooded warm perfection. Oh alpaca. Seriously considered spending a thousand dollars for one coat. Am dangerously sick, but no rehab facilities available for such an addiction.

On a lighter note, my pumpkin slaughter was delayed, but successful. I believe that my little pumpkin truly feels like a useful member of vegetable society now that it's become pumpkin bread, savory baked pumpkin, and roasted pumpkin seeds (and will soon be pumpkin soup and pumpkin pie). Is it wrong to assume that a vegetable has fulfilled its life by feeding me and many others? Where's PETV when you need them?

The great thing about being a cynic and a fatalist is that recent election results don't bring me down, they just don't bring me up. But it does disappoint me that I was right to believe that the majority of Americans are ignorant and/or selfish. Our national slogan should be "It's all about me." Go America and its moral values.

My main problems with Americans and our politics:
-A majority of us are ideologically against the concept of government. Thank you founding fathers.
-Our ideals are based in economics--we care most about what will give us the most monetary returns.
-We are reactionary--easily swayed by buzz words, catch phrases, and photo montages.
-We are polarized--2 parties, opposing views, right or wrong. Anyone who recognizes gray areas is indecisive, lacks convictions, ignorant, and cannot lead our country or represent the people.
-The electoral college. People do not vote because they don't think their vote will count in their state. What is exactly wrong with the popular vote? Again, thank you founding fathers for helping out the ignorant masses.
-People who don't vote because they feel "uninformed" or can't tell the difference between the candidate's views. That's called laziness.

So, for all you who are seriously thinking about moving to Canada, check
this out. See, socialists are always thinking about others.

So sad for state of nation. Mourn continued work with defense issues under the dazed ape handpuppet of the devil. Will consider move to more intelligent state. Glad that Kerry conceded, hated gloating of co-workers. May their paychecks be cut for further defense spending. That'll show 'em.

Looking at historical election results, I was surprised by this:



I was really thinking of moving, then I see this. The year I was born, everything was so backwards--Vermont and the Western states voted Republican, while Texas, and the South voted Democratic. (Dixiecrats) Amazingly (and yet not), Virginia stayed the same ever since 1962. Shall I blame it on the eighties, the children of consumption and wealth or blame it on the parents of the eighties babies, the hippies that destroyed the image of being a liberal?

The results of the Halloween that wasn't. Disappointed in unslaughtered pumpkin. Could not express scary inner self via ghoulish makeup and pink hair. Partaked in unlimited consumption of limited edition inside out Reese cups and dark chocolate Mounds bars. Overall, I'm sleepy, icky, and well-sugared.

And now...Election day. I voted. And not only because Britney Spears told me to, but because constituents like her exist. I also witnessed 2 major car accidents today: One car flying into a ditch backwards and one SUV flipping over. The signs must be telling me something. Regardless of the signs and the extent of ignorance in the country, I will be happy about the little things, like the commemorative map of the US I got today, complete with little donkey and elephant stickers.

My very bad Election Day haiku:

I vote to prove that
Democrats really exist
in the bible belt

found myself the perfect pumpkin to slaughter. yay.

Relived hatred from high school last night. Sad because it was so long ago, and I don't even remember exactly why I hate the girl, only that she was very evil, mean, and conniving. Should forgive because she "lived outside of society" and is sad. However, why should I accept someone who had been evil, mean, and conniving to me? How would I know that she wouldn't be evil again or is currently evil now. Trust is obviously an issue with me, especially when once that trust was broken. But I have a strange urge to go to that Barnes and Noble and check this girl out. Considering I've probably run into her before, just I didn't know it.

Yes, will go, will be civil, and will count how many times she mentions that another ex-friend of mine is married.

Will not gloat. (ha ha!)

The things they don't write on the back of a pack of Tylenol Cold:

1) Antihistamine stays in your body for longer than the 4-6 hour dosage.
2) The side effects of antihistamine (sleepiness, lack of attention span) will remain with you forever.
3) Little known side effects include constant twitching of the top of your scalp and obsessive adjusting of your socks.
4) Argh! Why do my socks keep falling down? Is it the length, elasticity, color or inherent cow-ness of my cow socks? Madness, I tell you, madness!

Another exciting factoid: Researchers have recently found stem cells in fat. Yes, those yummy round tummies actually have more use than storing longterm energy, insulating against the elements, and inspiring hatred by liposuctioning fat-hating society. The stem cells can be manipulated to act just like other cells, without all that distasteful fetus cultivation and bone marrow removal. Stem cells can be created from your own fat, so that it matches perfectly and rejection is low. Exciting, isn't it?

It's really scary when the devil himself is scared of his puppet. Well, puppets are inherently scary:

"Pat Robertson, an ardent Bush supporter, said he had that conversation with the president in Nashville, Tennessee, before the March 2003 invasion. He described Bush in the meeting as "the most self-assured man I've ever met in my life."

I think Pat was trying to say oblivious.

"And I warned him about this war. I had deep misgivings about this war, deep misgivings. And I was trying to say, 'Mr. President, you had better prepare the American people for casualties.'" Robertson said the president then told him, "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." Robertson, the televangelist who sought the Republican presidential nomination in 1988, said he wishes Bush would admit to mistakes made.

See, freaking scary.

"I mean, the Lord told me it was going to be A, a disaster, and B, messy," Robertson said. "I warned him about casualties."

The Lord didn't have to tell you this. It is a war. It will be a disaster and messy. Whenever a war was not a disaster or messy, it was resparked in another form--a messier, bloodier form.

More than 1,100 U.S. troops have died in Iraq and another 8,000 troops have been wounded in the ongoing campaign, with the casualty toll significantly increasing in the last six months as the insurgency there has deepened.

Told you so, Pat.

Asked why Bush has refused to admit to mistakes on Iraq, Robertson said, "I don't know this politics game. You know, you can never say you were wrong because the opposition grabs onto it: 'See, he admitted he screwed up.'" "Even if he stumbles and messes up -- and he's had his share of stumbles and gaffes -- I just think God's blessing is on him." Even as Robertson criticized Bush for downplaying the potential dangers of the Iraq war, he heaped praise on Bush, saying he believes the president will win the election and that "the blessing of heaven is on Bush."

Oh jesus. God help us all.

As I've already made up my mind about the election, and cannot convince stupid people that what they believe in is stupid, I bring you insights from inside the enemy camp:

1) Enlisted personnel follow Dub because they're patriotic, love the country, and want to defend the nation. Typically. Some just want to blow stuff up.

2) Officers follow Dub because they are following orders. Typically. Some like blowing stuff up and moving troops around in war game simulations.

3) Civil servants follow Dub because they don't want to lose their jobs. Typically. As with all good samaritans, some like to think they are providing for the troops, after all, they sent them there.

All are very misled--enlisted folks are the ones mostly putting their lives on the line and have to be fooled by the most grandious lie. Officers believe in war, but hardly ever want to be in it because they are culpable for what happens to their people and it affects career advancement. Civil servants (from both executive and legislative agencies) are the ones that last throughout all political and wartime flux, and to do that cannot (and are often not allowed to) hold a political opinion that affects their job. So they follow the party line.

Very frustrating. So look at this hilarious site instead. Beware, there is semi-nudity, they kind you don't want to see.

Funny thing how I have better balance on rollerblades drunk than sober. Now my kitchen has black scuff marks. Maybe like walking around with an umbrella, the kneepads make all the difference.

I'm not that drunk really.

I'm aware enough to realize that I turned down a night of white trash superfun just because white trash had actually invited herself along. Drunken rollerblading, Sims, and cat snuggles make a much better night than trying to hold myself back from jamming a bowling ball down this girl's overly used throat.

Spent last night trying to sympathize with hard-luck cases in Oprah magazine, juxtaposed against wonderful expensive stuff I felt the need to buy (why is a cotton T-shirt for $100 a bargain?). Think Oprah is trying to be a good person, but wonder about her inherent need to brag about herself. Also trying not to be too satisfied with wonderful dinner at almost forsaken Italian restaurant. Guilt ridden, but really not. Too full and happy. Must donate canned goods and money to homeless Floridians. Must be more like Oprah.

Faced with minor dilemma--want to go to Howl-o-scream, want to play poker, need to write paper on subject matter of which I've read nothing. Gambling...socializing outdoors...wanting good grades...

Poker it is.

Unhealthy thought of the day:

You know, if I were to run into a tree, I'd be really hurt and possibly unconscious and then people would not want a piece of me for at least a little while and I could sleep.

I'm not sick and I'm not going to run into a tree, but it's really sad when hospitalization is an exciting way of getting some rest.

The stuff that happens to me:

A wasp decided to live in my hair and eat my face. Ended up spraying it with Pledge and killing it with a hammer.

It's not unus-ual to be loved by anyone
Bop badabop
It's not unusual to have fun with anywuh-uun
Da-duh da-daaaah...

I just wanted to share the pain...thanks to mellie's blog, this is what has been running over and over and over in my head. Thanks, thanks a lot. I also blame my mother for her poor taste in 70's pop music scarring me in utero. At least it's not...

the Copa
Copacabana (cabana!)
The hottest spot north of Havana (here)
Aaaat the Copa
Copacabaanaaaaah
Music and passion were always the fashion
at the Copaaaah...

Damn.

Went rollerblading yesterday and realized a few things:

1) I haven't fallen down in a long time
2) Falling down really hurts
3) Not getting knee pads was a bad idea
4) Coordination and balance in other activities means nothing on rollerblades
5) Hecklers suck
6) Crying in public sucks
7) I have a wonderful boyfriend who didn't heckle me, tried to keep me balanced, was concerned when I fell (many many times), and really cared when I cried

In a bind....should I stay home this weekend or visit friends I hardly ever see in DC? If I stay I get to sleep, de-stress, catch up on class reading, and do nothing, but renege on a promise to visit and be selfish and anti-social. If I go, I'll get out, be social, have fun, but wrestle with DC traffic on a Friday afternoon after a long long week of hell and lose my weekend travelling. Again.

Why doesn't anyone ever visit me?

Many co-workers asked if I was alright. Maybe walking around the office for three hours with sunglasses on top of my head is a cry for help.

New attitude and am better now. Scheduled a massage and decided to drop tasks willy-nilly and am amazed at lack of repercussions. Must do this more often. Now I'm trying to get blogger to publish (publish, goddamnit, stop spinning!!) while listening to "the man" talk about how I earn too much, and how by cutting my inflation adjustment and locality rates, we can make this agency a better place to do great work. Ha right. Another reason to care less about work.